Improving the quality time with your loved one in your visit to the long-term care facility
The time spent visiting your loved one at home or the nursing home can be more enjoyable with some strategies to improve communication. Initially, it can be tricky, but it becomes natural and spontaneous after a while.
- Avoid bossy language.
Nobody likes to be bossed around all the time, and because some older people have difficulties expressing themselves, they usually react by being stubborn. It’s what specialists call the 3F reaction: fight, fight, and freeze. If they can’t do much about it, you can. Here are some examples of effective changes in language as suggested by Psychology Today (1):
| Instead of | Try to |
| “You have to exercise today!” | “I will help you exercise today.” |
| “You have to take a shower now!” | “Do you prefer to take your shower before or after your snack?” |
| “Your room smells bad. You need to air it out!” | “What about opening the window? We can look at what’s going on outside and get some fresh air into the room.” |
- Language makes miracles when you need the cooperation of elderly people.
Everyone likes to feel that their wishes matter. Although some situations are mandatory, like visiting the doctor or taking medicine, your loved one will be more receptive if you move the focus to the choices they may have. It may sound controversial, but the examples below make it easy:
| Instead of | Try to |
| “You are going to the doctor this afternoon.” | “Which shirt do you prefer to wear to your doctor’s appointment later today, the blue or the red one? ” |
| “You have to take your medicine!” | “Do you prefer to take your medicine with water or milk?” |
| “You are getting your hair cut today!” | “How do you want your hair cut today? Let’s look together at this magazine to get some ideas?” |
- Resist the temptation to infantilize the elderly.
When the elderly need as much care as toddlers, we may be tempted to infantilize them, but it’s important to be vigilant and avoid it. When you patronize, you put them in a condition of inferiority, and it’s awful for their self-esteem. Here are some tips to help avoid infantilizing your parents or any elderly person.
| Instead of | Try to |
| Speaking louder than necessary. | Make sure they can see your lips. |
| Finishing their sentences. | Be patient, listen, and help them only when asked. |
| Calling them “my princess,” “my favorite girl/boy,” or “pretty/handsome.” | Use their names. |
- The environment makes a difference.
If your loved one experiences hearing loss, they probably need the TV a little louder, struggle to follow group conversations, and often ask you to repeat what you just said.
| Instead of | Try to |
| Trying to speak over the TV sound. | Reduce the volume of the TV and speak clearly. |
| Ignoring the person in group conversations, since he/she isn’t following what’s being said. | Be a helper. Explain why everyone is laughing when a joke is told and retell the joke in a different way. |
| Giving annoyed answers like “forget it” or “I just said it and you didn’t pay attention” when the person asks you to repeat a sentence. | Remember that you will be in this situation someday, and repeat the sentence, making sure the person understood, without making a big deal of it. |
- Talk about one topic at a time.
Our thoughts flow fast, and we tend to express ourselves through complex sentences. Jumping from one subject to another is also something we do naturally, without even realizing it. Here are some things to keep in mind when talking to your loved one.
| Instead of | Try to |
| Saying, “Yesterday I saw Jane and she said Marion now lives in Paris.” | Establish a solid base for the conversation: “Do you remember Jane, our ex-neighbor?” Give them some time and only after you make sure they know who Jane is, add layers of information (I saw Jane yesterday. Do you remember her sister Marion? Jane told me that Marion now lives in Paris.) |
https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1985-06-03-8502040770-story.html
https://scholarworks.wmich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3986&context=jssw